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Stage
1 strategies
From the Spring 2006 Parent Newsletter
In the article, “Breaking
through the walls of depression and anxiety” (Winter
2006 issue of University Parent), Dr. Scott Slattery suggested
that parents of studentswith mood disorders first listen
to and make an emotional connection with theirstudents (Stage
I) before moving on to helping devise concrete strategies
forseeking help (Stage II). Previous issues of University
Parent are available at www.parent.umn.edu/news/archive.html.
Since the article was published, parents have asked for practical
strategiesfor working through Stage I. Some have asked whether “switching” fromproblem
solver to listener might raise questions or confuse a student.
Now online: Mental
Health and the College Student Workshop
This fall, the Parent Program hosted a discussion about college students andmental
health. The program featured University of Minnesota experts who workexclusively
with college-aged students. We taped the program and have postedboth video and
audio recordings online for parents to view at their convenience.
Participants addressed issues of particular concern for parents of college-agedstudents,
including what types of mental health issues can arise during the collegeyears,
what symptoms to be alert to, what help is available, how to access serviceswhen
necessary, and how to discuss mental health concerns with your student.
As long as you connect in a spirit of genuine interest and
concern, I don’tanticipate the change being an issue.
If your student is suspicious, be honestand explain that
you are seeking to grow as a parent and that you hope it
helpsyour relationship.
The following tips may make a Stage I dialogue, or emotional
connection, a littleeasier.
- Find a comfortable physical space to talk, one that is
relatively free of distractions.
- Stay in the here and now. Once the conversation gets started,
it is easy to start associating the present conversation
to both past events and future ideas. While helpful at some
point, these associations can be a barrier to making an emotional
connection.
- Keep the focus on your student—resist the tendency
to relate that you have experienced similar emotions or situations.
While exchanging stories is common and works well in social
conversations, going into your own stories when serving as
a listener shifts the focus of the conversation from your
student to yourself.
- Allow your student to tell his or her story. Be curious
and seek clarification and details, keeping in mind the questions
reporters ask their subjects (who, what, when, where, how,
with whom, how often, etc.).
- Be an active listener by conveying that you have truly
heard what was said. Using the reflecting (or “call-and-respond”)
technique lets a speaker know their listener is present with
them in the here-and-now. It goes something like this:
- Person A: “While classes are
stressing me in general, calculus is giving me the
most trouble.”
- Person B: “So classes are
stressing you out—especially calculus.”
Your response doesn’t have to be deep or insightful,
its purpose is just to let your student know you are paying
attention.
- Ask your student what would be helpful from you as a listener.
Don’t presume to know. For example, some students prefer
frequent reflection, while others prefer to be listened to
without interruption.
The listening or emotional connection stage of dealing with
a student’sdepression or anxiety is often difficult for
parents. You may feel like you’redoing nothing and want
to get on to making plans, offering advice, and findingsolutions.
But be patient and stay the course—connections cultivated
inStage I are the foundation upon which successful Stage II
strategies are built. |
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Dr. Scott Slattery, University Counseling & Consulting
Services, addresses questions from parents of University of Minnesota
students. He may be reached at 612-625-4568 or slatt008@umn.edu.
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