Past Questions for 'U'

By Scott Slattery and Rod Loper, University Counseling & Consulting Services

Dr. Roper has retired, but Scott Slattery now addresses questions from parents and guardians of University of Minnesota students. Please address your questions to Dr. Slattery at 612-625-4568, or e-mail slatt008@umn.edu.


Identity: theirs or yours?
“My student always seemed perfectly comfortable with our Lutheran religion, but now he’s become interested in Buddhism. He went to church with us over the holidays, even choosing to go to Christmas Eve service without the rest of the family, but says he doesn’t go to church when he’s in the Twin Cities. What’s up?”

Where does confidence go?
Managing self-efficacy in the pursuit of college success
Question: I'm confused. After high school graduation, my daughter was full of confidence and enthusiasm about starting at the U. She's been doing OK academically so far, but I've really seen a drop-off in her confidence. Any thoughts on why or what we can do?

Post graduation: travel or job?
My daughter is graduating this spring, and she doesn't seem to have a clear plan on what she'll do after graduating except "travel or maybe get a job." How can I help her think about developing a real plan?

Breaking up and moving on
"My daughter broke up with her high school boyfriend two months ago, but it’s been a very difficult breakup. She and her ex talk on the phone several times a week, and she seems down after each call. She wants the relationship to end but hasn’t been able to let it go."

Embracing 'happenstance' in the career planning process
"Two of my friends say their graduating seniors already have jobs lined up for spring. My son hasn't even applied for a job yet, and he says it's too soon to look. Is there a schedule for career planning, and if so, is he behind schedule? How can I be helpful with his job search without being intrusive?"

A question for 'U': roommates and sharing a living space
"My daughter has never shared a room before. What if she has a problem with her roommate? How can she find help in resolving those difficulties?"

A question for 'U': The third roommate
"Last year, my first-year student lived in a residence hall with a roommate. The two got along really well and had a lot of fun together. Half way through spring semester, however, the roommate became very withdrawn and seemingly depressed, started skipping classes, and seldom left their room. My daughter was very worried about her but didn't know what to do. The two are planning to live together again this year. If her roommate falls into another "funk," is there anything my daughter should do to help her?"

A question for 'U': Major Indecision
My son doesn’t seem motivated. He’s a second semester freshman and hasn’t chosen a major yet. He gets along well with his roommates, his grades are good, he says he’s happy, and he’s involved in a student group, but he doesn’t seem to have any goals, and he’s not pushing himself academically. Is this normal?

A Question for 'U': Students with disabilities
Q: While she was in high school, my daughter was diagnosed with depression. At times, it affected her academic work. Does the University of Minnesota offer any support to students living with this kind of unseen disability?

A Question for 'U': Academic blind spots
Q: My son did well in high school, so why is he struggling now? We didn’t see this coming.

A Question for 'U'
Q: My daughter calls home whenever something goes wrong. I’m sure she doesn’t really expect us to know the answers to her problems, but I’m never sure how we should react. Any suggestions on what we should do?

A Question for 'U'
Q: My daughter had a great freshman year, but she seems to be dreading the start of this year. I am worried that she may not be able to sustain the motivation she needs. Is there anything I should be doing to help?

A Question for 'U'
Q: My son isn't a drinker, but he seems to be the "designated babysitter" for two of his roommates. They will buy a 24-pack of beer and drink until they're drunk. They expect him to watch out for them until they sober up. Twice this year, he has ended up staying up all night to wake them up periodically and make sure they were okay. He says he doesn't mind—he would rather be inconvenienced than have something bad happen to his friends. And he plans to room with them next year again. What can I say to make him see this is a bad choice?

A Question for 'U'
Q: After attending Parent Orientation, I realize that my son has never really had much opportunity to learn how to work through problems he might have with other people. He is an only child, and most of his friendships were in the context of school and sports. When there were arguments, there was always a coach or teacher around to mediate. If he has a problem with his roommate this year, how can he learn to resolve conflicts on his own? Or am I worrying about nothing?

A Question for 'U'
Q: My son is a freshman, and he's living at home. The first semester, he seemed unconcerned about his classes, then he began panicking in mid-October. In November, he dropped his math class because he felt he was way behind and didn't think he could catch up. He's also working 15 hours a week at a computer store near home. Sometimes I think his job is a higher priority for him than homework. How can he learn to manage his time better this semester?

A Question for 'U'
Q: The University is so big, and you have so many services! When students have questions, how do they figure out whether to talk with an adviser, a counselor, a health professional, or someone else?

A Question for 'U'
Q: My son was due to graduate this spring, but now he says he won't have his senior paper done. He has been stressed over this paper all year, and he seems to think that he just can't get it right. Is there somewhere he can get help with this?

A Question for 'U'
Q: My daughter is a freshman. She has always been very active—an athlete and class officer in high school—but she doesn't seem to be very happy in college. Although she gets along well with her roommate, she says she doesn't have any real friends yet. She seems more depressed than I've ever seen her. What should we be doing?

A Question for 'U'
Q: I recently had to call my daughter to tell her that her grandmother had a stroke and is not expected to recover.....

A Question for 'U'
Q: I've read articles about meningitis being a health problem on college campuses. Is there a vaccine or something my student should be doing to protect himself?

A Question for 'U'
Q: When I attended Parent Orientation this year, we were told not to become overly alarmed when our student calls home and tells us that things are not going well.....

A Question for 'U'
Q:When my daughter started college last fall, we planned that she would live in the residence hall her first two years. Now she says she wants to get an apartment with three of her friends next year. She says she will eat better, study better, and have fewer expenses than in the residence hall. I think she will be safer and have more time to study if she stays in the dorm. Who's right, and how do we work this out?

A Question for 'U'
Q: I just found out that my freshman son has three different credit cards, and he has more than $750 charged on each of them...